JOser Funny Status Messages

   I need to throw that guy a "get a life" jacket...

   every time Sarah Palin speaks, a moose dies...

   Don't worry... I'm a doctor on the Internet.

   Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus, not a Ford Multi-task.

   If I had nothing left to complain about, I'd complain about that.

   Whoever said "two wrongs don't make a right" has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.

   Hiding peoples status' on your news feed is the best way of sayin f*ck you're annoying but I don't wanna delete you cuz you'll notice.

   ♫ If you're crazy and you know it take your pills! ♫

   After 2 years I finally found the back piece to one of my remotes. This means more to me than it probably should.

   I'm super sick, and while I don't need anyone to nurse me back to health but I'd like someone to pick up my tissues and let me be mean to them..

   After doing some research, It turns out that not EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting. It was just this one guy

   Attention all joined-at-the-hip couples: "Inseparable" and "Insufferable" sound alike for a reason.

   I wonder if gay people ever say things like "Oh my god that is SO straight."

   I'm about to conquer a mountain of BBQ meat so epic that my utensils are a beach towel, safety goggles, and police tape.

   Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

   sometimes I find hope at the bottom of a bottle of vodka.

   Arguing about Facebook is so Myspace.

   What I meant to text: 'sweety pie'. What I actually texted: 'sweaty pig'. Proofreading: it can save relationships.

   I made eye contact with someone in traffic and then didn't let them merge. I feel like a James Bond villain.

   F*ck the real world,let's all just be pirates!