JOser Funny Status Messages

   Today I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again

   I wonder if cows refer to their sons as cowboys.

   Stop crying. You asked what I thought of your haircut and "macho" is a compliment where I come from, lady...

   I think I have a combination of Alzheimer's and ADD. I can't remember what I wasn't focusing on

   once cops get smart enough to put a breathalyzer test at the end of a Taco Bell drive-thru WE'RE ALL SCREWED!

   my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall

   "It's time to take back our country!" Fine. Just return it to your nearest Indian casino.

   A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast.

   The law says I can't drive with an open container, but it says nothing about jello shots!!

   Parents inThis Economy is soo bad... Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

   The best things in life are free.... or have no interest or payments for one full year.

   My philosophy? People who have creepy dungeons probably don't wear a watch. So, when a stranger asks for the time, I pepper spay them.

   The Deadliest Catch would be so much cooler if they'd plant a serial killer on each boat.

   Where did Macaulay Culkin get the cardboard people for the party in Home Alone? Don't tell me you haven't also wondered this from time to time.

   I miss The Oregon Trail. Life seemed so simple when your biggest worry was killing enough buffalo before you died of dysentery.

   I think my upstairs neighbors are shouting about who can stomp the loudest.

   Yes, I admit it. I want to see the Dalai Lama arm wrestle the Pope...

   Stupid bloody garbage trucks waking me up at noon.

   I'm petitioning Crayola to replace the "burnt orange" crayon with "burnt snooki"

   It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts...