Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Sex so good you forget to take a selfie.

   Listen, you're a great girl. I'm sure you'll find the right filter for your selfies someday.

   I dated a magician once; she put her hand on my leg and I turned into a motel.....

   No YouP0rn... I do not want to play poker, I'm at work for crying out loud.

   Don't worry, I got your back. And your ass. And a little in your hair too.

   I didn't have enough closet space so I bought a treadmill.

   I like you, but not 'get dressed and leave the house to see you', like you.

   Let's be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.

   What you call a "morning wood" I call "breakfast in bed"

   I hate the fact I can't slam the door on my cubicle.

   If you can moonwalk out of a police station without bumping into anything they have to drop all charges.

   Excuse me sir; you left your weird Jesus pamphlet on your bus seat. Oh yeah? Well here's a revelation for you: that's called littering.

   I know what you did 23 summers ago - Women

   You had me at the correct use of 'their'.

   Lady, Have you tried texting him 22 more times?

   At the end of the new Adam Sandler movie they don't roll the credits they roll the blames.

   If by eating pizza, tacos and waffles in a single sitting then yes I've had a threesome before.

   Don't forget to support your local liquor store today!

   What's up with these people in Pakistan getting stoned to death? What kind of weed are they growing there?

   My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he's all wagging his tail, but I know he's not listening. I get it ladies