StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   I hate it when kids think I don't care about whatever the hell they were just talking about.

   I do not have a drinking problem... people without arms have a drinking problem.

   Febreeze should make underwear.

   Just bought a Hyundai but it's sonota big deal.

   Why are they called One Direction? Looks to me like they go both ways.

   My boss; Are you Tweeting? Me; No, I'm Tworking Boss; What? Me; Hello Tweeting while working Boss; That's not a real word Me; Twhatever

   Hey McDonalds, may I have some Coke with my ice?!

   Truth hurts...but not as much as getting fingered by Edward Scissorhands

   The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

   Hey Starbucks. If you gotta name your drinks with stupid language, don't roll your eyes when I order a gitchy gitchy yaya yaya mocha choca latte ya ya

   What's longer than most relationships these days? This status.

   Bud light? No thanks. I'd rather light bud.

   Whenever you think your job sucks, remember; At least you're not the guy, at Instagram, that has to search for and delete all the d!ck pics.

   The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this "I know you're high" look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.

   Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who's giving them medical attention?

   This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that's also the last time I'll buy cheap toilet paper...

   The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I'm kidding, it's her boobs.

   "Hey baby, do you smell that?" "No." "Me neither, start cooking."

   Guys with unibrows, you may think it's unmanly to pluck that sh!t, but it's far more unmanly to never get laid.

   When I visit a friend who greets me with "make yourself at home", I kick him out of the house because I hate visitors.