JOser Funny Status Messages

   The new version of Pac-Man was so awesome, it came with a search engine built into it... Can we have it back...?

   I never pick up the house phone....But run a mile for the Cell Phone.

   With great power comes a great electric bill...

   Can you call the Geek Squad if you just want to give someone a wedgie?

   I'm totally over LOST. I don't even care anymore. I don't miss it at all. Do you want to drive by LOST's house and see if it's home?

   Disinfecting my kitchen right now with the glass of vodka and Red Bull that I just spilled all over the countertop.

   It wasn't until Rick gazed upon a photo on her facebook after 4 kids, and 80 pounds that he finally stopped wishing he had Jessie's girl.

   As a man, it scares the hell out of me that North Korea has a missile called the "no dong."

   I think you misunderstood me. I said "go phuck yourself" with a PH. So, that makes it cool and not remotely offensive... Phucktard.

   I feel sorry for our ancestors who used to have to wait days or weeks to hear from friends that they were laughing out loud.

   I think Eminem should become a dentist just so he can say "snap back to reality, oh there goes a cavity."

   Never end a sentence with a preposition. Incorrect: Thongs crack me up. Correct: Thongs up me crack.

   me and procrastinating have this love hate relationship going on.... but I'll do it later...

   just drove passed a Budweiser Delivery truck wrecked on the side of the freeway, oh the humanity... I'd like a moment of silence please...

   Don't worry about people from your past, There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

   My bank is the worst. They're charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can't even afford to be broke.

   You call it poor parenting, I call it raising free range children.

   The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.

   They wouldn't have to ban texting while driving if they would just legalize driving through red lights...

   I'll tell ya, there's nothing better than a cold beer(s) after a long hard day of laying on the couch...