huck Funny Status Messages

   You would think that by now there would be rap battle re enactors.

   They say "confidence" is the most attractive quality in a partner. But I'd have to say, "not banging my friends" would be a very close 2nd

   Holding a baby is a great excuse to just openly pass gas without anyone knowing.

   What would we do if the T-rex came back? Sadly, scientists believe weapons would be useless. However, we could humiliate them by forcing them to wear tiaras which their tiny arms could never remove.

   If at first you don't succeed, lie and say you did.

   Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Of course, now your life will be shorter than it was yesterday. Way to waste yesterday, MORON!

   The Human Brain is remarkable. It is the worlds most intelligent and advanced biological creation. The peak of human evolution. Then occasionally it forgets all that, like just now, when I went to scratch my eye and punched myself in the face instead.

   I'm not saying I'm tired but I did just try to unlock a door with my wallet.

   Somewhere out there is a legitimate Nigerian Prince crying into a huge pile of cash.

   The only math I'm good at is adding insult to injury.

   Men who don't understand why their woman is mad at them need to realize the woman doesn't know why either.

   No, but I do kiss YOUR mother with this mouth.

   Just checking in to make sure that there is ample drama in my timeline. Yup, looks good to me.

   I can't even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.

   Old lady in the blue track suit in front if me smells like garlic and moth balls. I would complain but I think she's a Crip!.

   According to my horoscope, I'm going to get rich today. According to my Youtube comments, I'm a "douche." Life is confusing.

   Every time I hear someone say Right About Now, I end it with Funk Soul Brother.

   The majority of my childhood was spent naming one of my settlers in Oregon Trail after an enemy then doing all I could to help them die of dysentery

   Those Cialis dudes get turned on when they see really bad acting

   Anyone who says you can't judge a book by its cover hasn't seen the cover of “The Big Book of Huge Breasts”.