Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.

   I see you stopped taking your meds. Can I please have them?

   I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!

   Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you're not hanging out with enough people.

   If money talks, someone please come translate my bank statements.

   Single women wearing matching bra and panties; I am sure the inside of your clothes really appreciate it.

   We men love two women; the one is the creation of our imagination and the other is not yet born.

   I know its true love when I like you even when I'm sober.

   Apparently, I tip hotel maids by forgetting my iPhone charger every time I check out. Every. Single. Time.

   Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.

   If you're looking for me to be more tasteful and tender, marinate me in whiskey.

   I wonder who vodka helped me insult last night.

   I'm clingy, but not " Simon Cowell's t-shirt" clingy.

   "Do you live with your parents too?" - Not the best pickup line.

   Yes, those diamonds in your teeth are shiny, but your vocabulary is still limited and now you have a speech impediment.

   When it comes to a recipe for a disaster, some people thrive on being the main ingredient.

   A woman's cleavage tells you the amount and type of attention she needs.

   Madonna and Johnny Depp seem completely unaware they aren't British

   Don't threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.

   Mark Zuckerburg owns Instagram, Facebook and Whatsapp. All he needs now is Twitter then he owns all of our little secrets.