lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon What is it with Facebook games like Mafia and Farmville. I guess people need to balance their murder and violence with beets and little lost sheep.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 14:55 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?
←Rate | 04-24-2010 13:39 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 13:24 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Getting married is similar to going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 13:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..is making it look she has an IPad by drawing out the internet on her Etch-a-Sketch.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 08:37 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do I need scissors to open a pack of scissors? The whole point of buying scissors is that I don't f*cking have any!
←Rate | 04-23-2010 03:53 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're getting older when the candles cost more than the cake.
←Rate | 04-22-2010 15:59 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If "fire" didn't rhyme with "desire" and "right" with "tonight" most Boy Bands wouldn't be able to write a song.
←Rate | 04-22-2010 05:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yo momma's so fat that when she was cremated,all the flights in Europe got cancelled.
←Rate | 04-21-2010 09:41 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the difference between Cheryl Cole and the Icelandic volcano? The volcano's still blowing ash.
←Rate | 04-21-2010 05:28 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think chocolate is better than sex,you really need to find that special someone. If you have already met someone special and STILL believe it,i seriously need to know what kind of chocolate you're eating!
←Rate | 04-20-2010 04:00 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Skilled workers are hard to find. That's why idiots are promoted to management.
←Rate | 04-20-2010 03:38 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 16:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, the next time Iceland says "pull my finger" ignore it
←Rate | 04-19-2010 02:38 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Peter Griffin doesn't look so stupid now with his volcano insurance.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 19:44 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend just introduced me to a Money Making Scheme that guarantees a 100% payout. It's called a job.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 19:40 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was injured tap dancing. Broke my ankle when I fell into the sink.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 13:59 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I step on my scale, it reads ERR. I think it's trying to change the subject.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 13:57 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why was the blonde angry when she got her driver's license? Because she couldn't believe she had an F in sex.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 02:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A braille porn magazine has been launched ths week - complete with explicit raised text and pictures. At least this is one time where looking at porn won't make you go blind.
←Rate | 04-17-2010 05:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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