Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   What's cardio, and can I eat it?

   Why Do Women Wear Floral panties? In Loving Memory Of All The Faces That Have Been Buried Down There.

   If you say Snoop Dogg's name three times in the mirror, your weed will disappear.

   You don't have to believe in a book to be a nice person and treat people right.

   Find someone you're good at.

   I wonder if bank robbers have a safe word?

   Twerking is the crocs of dancing.

   If no one is there to touch you, are you really there?

   Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me

   Coffee will never tell me I had too much to drink last night, unlike some people in this house

   “I can't wait to drunk text this girl who doesn't give a sh*t about me.” - ALCOHOL

   "She's cute I swear, let me find a better picture." – Me telling my friends about my new girlfriend.

   Don't fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.

   Being a gentleman in these times is a thankless job. I tried to compliment a seemingly nice young lady and ended up having to explain that I'm not, thirsty, creepy or a stalker.

   Sometimes I use words I don't understand so I can sound more photosynthesis.

   Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a freak.

   Why do fools fall in love? Because smart people know that, odds are, it will end horribly.

   If your boss says we have to be more flexible in this department be afraid. Be very afraid.

   If she doesn't arch her back for you during sex, she is just no that into you bro.

   Ladies; you’re all crazy and men are idiots. You just need to find the idiot that matches your crazy.