Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   -Do you take drugs? -No. -Ever tried them? -Never. -You seem very nervous. -I'm just not used to being questioned by a unicorn.

   This vodka tastes like it needs more vodka.

   Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.

   Life sucks, But sometimes you get to have sex, And sometimes you get to drink beer.

   I wonder how many people's phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"

   If by exercise you mean grabbing my phone out of my pocket every two minutes then yes I exercise a lot.

   I didn't know how badly we're losing the war on stupidity til I joined Facebook.

   Women's biggest mistake: thinking men can read their minds Men's biggest mistake: not trying to read women's minds

   Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.

   A friend doesn't question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.

   courage turns quickly into fear when you attempt to kill a cockroach and it flies.

   People think that in Africa we ride lions and elephants to work. That's ridiculous, we don't have jobs.

   Some girls should drink alone so they don’t get pregnant, again.

   How I hate people who initiate a conversation and don’t continue with it.

   I'm surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y'all.

   Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman's ability to find a reason to post a selfie.

   How do you say "I don't care" in every language known to man?

   I was gonna call you... but I'm still sober.

   It's cool how Bruce Lee studied philosophy & poetry then applied it to something beautiful like punching people in the face.

   Lies I'll never stop telling my boss: No you're not bothering me Yes I'll meet the deadline Facebook? Never heard of it!