doc noland Funny Status Messages
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How are there 45 shows about storage units and 23 about pawn shops and not a single show about women doing yoga?
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Not enough rap songs out there stressing the importance of eating carbs before drinking champagne. So you can remember that h0e.
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Being single is nice because I don't have to repeat my mumbled gibberish in a defensive tone.
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I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
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Heard they let some women into that fancy Augusta golf course. There is no shame in that. This is America, nobody likes a sausagefest.
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I organized a 3 some last night. There were a couple of no shows but I still had a good time.
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thinking of joining the Mortal Kombat tournament. I am pretty deadly with Hulk hands on.
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Nobody at work will play bloody knuckles with me. I swear we've raised a nation of pansies. Now where's my latte and hot rock masseuse?
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a guy at work has the whispering skills of Samuel L. Jackson.
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I could never find it in my heart to kill another person, but I've entertained the thought of dancing on a grave or two.
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Let's observe a moment of silence for all the black women who don't have a Q or an apostrophe in their first name.
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I have walrus-like reflexes! Basically I roll around my apartment and slap my belly when I want food
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I jump out of bushes to give surprise breast exams. I save lives. The police are on the lookout for me. Probably to give me an award.
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Unicorns eventually got into rough @n@l-play. And that's why they're extinct.
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So what your saying Chick-Fil-A, you will not be sponsoring Men's Olympic Racewalking.
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There is over a billion people in China and there is also only two haricuts
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The only thing worse than trying to lose at badminton is trying at badminton.
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A famous rapper got high and did something stupid? Well now I've seen everything.
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I bet one of these powerful Olympic women could sit on my face & suck out my fillings with one Kegel....Unnhmmm Hope Solo.
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When does the Brazilian Pole Dancing Team come on?
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