Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   every stamp is a food stamp if you eat stamps

   Lonely, Sober and Miserable sound like the same sh*t to me.

   Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.

   Sweep her off her feet guys. Chicks are really impressed with UFC skills

   Kanye looks lovingly at Kim... "Thank you for coming to my wedding."

   No, seriously. My dog called 'Shotgun' - get in the back seat.

   “You make me a better person.” - Me talking to my cup of coffee.

   In the rest of the world, it’s called “football,” but in America it’s called “Let’s see what else is on TV.”

   Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.

   Kim Kardashian is back in the studio, working on an album? She's turning her sex tape into a musical?

   Women who claim their favorite TV show is Keeping Up With The Kardashians, are just confessing they'll give blow jobs for a shopping spree.

   My favorite Steven Seagull movie is Executive Decision because he dies in the first 15 minutes.

   Sorry I vomited all over your inspirational status.

   Relationship status: "Yeah, we can totally go out, but first, I need you to take this short spelling test."

   This Facebook is really cutting into my other time wasting activities.

   I asked her how her day went 4 days ago and she is still telling me about it.

   Give me constant mixed messages so I know..............nothing.

   After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.

   The amount of stuff coming out of this woman's handbag as she searched for her keys, I wouldn't be surprised if that missing Malaysian plane is in there too.

   How much for the antidepressants? Ma'am those are puppies.