lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Ex-president Bush blamed BP for the disaster off the coast of Louisiana. Later he recanted saying "He thought BP stood for Black President."
←Rate | 05-29-2010 16:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just said hey to Sarah Jessica Parker and she got really excited. She must have thought I meant hay.
←Rate | 05-28-2010 14:40 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My journey of a thousand miles began with a single step. But I had the wrong shoes on and now i've gone back a few paces.
←Rate | 05-27-2010 20:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blondes may have more fun, but brunettes remember it the next day.
←Rate | 05-27-2010 14:57 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..is having a threesome with two men tonight : Ben &Jerry. x
←Rate | 05-27-2010 13:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you hear about the Chinese parents who gave birth to a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong."
←Rate | 05-26-2010 03:34 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon will be attending Sleep. Invited By : Mr Sandman.RSVP: Yes. Location: My Bed. Time: Now until 7 Am.
←Rate | 05-25-2010 20:34 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..is already missing her time in Palermo. They had sunshine and sexy women. What does the U.K. haue? A week of summer and Susan Boyle.
←Rate | 05-25-2010 19:16 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache." "It's a migraine," he explained. "No, it's not, it's mine - and why the hell have you started speaking Italian?"
←Rate | 05-25-2010 15:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend was too cheap to hire a proper butler. So he ended up with one with no left arm. Serves him right.
←Rate | 05-24-2010 12:21 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites? Male Fraud.
←Rate | 05-24-2010 12:06 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a pack of biscuits today and on it said "store in a cool place." So I sent them to Samuel Jacksons house.
←Rate | 05-24-2010 08:33 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..always finds it tempting to yell "EVERYBODY! DOWN ON THE FLOOR!" when she's waiting in line at her bank.
←Rate | 05-23-2010 07:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon An Officer came to me and asked "Where were you between 4 and 6?" I responded "Kindergarten."
←Rate | 05-21-2010 17:39 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Eight deaths in one year at a Chinese phone manufacturing plant? There's an App for that.
←Rate | 05-21-2010 08:35 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Crack,meth,heroine. All these drugs should be manufactured by pharmacutical companies. That way,no one could afford them.
←Rate | 05-21-2010 03:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Toothbrush: "Sometimes I think I have the worst job in the world!" Toilet paper " Yeah,right."
←Rate | 05-20-2010 19:54 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I said to my girlfriend "Just remember,my grandmother is a bit old & hard of hearing. So speak nicely,speak slowly & speak loudly." I then whispered to my perfectly capable grandmother "My girlfriend is slightly retarded." Oh,what fun I had.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 20:13 by Lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon My age? I'd rather not tell. Let's just say i'm somewhere between 25 and a Wal-Mart greeter.
←Rate | 05-18-2010 08:43 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I won't rest until I find a cure for insomnia.
←Rate | 05-17-2010 19:41 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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