Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Honestly,,,,, I love every single some of you.......

   HEY,,,Being a teenager is hard, you guys.... Especially when you're 45..

   Want proof America's getting fatter?? I Almost ran out of gas waiting to make a right turn on a green light. Woman's ass took 5 minutes longer than she did to cross the street..

   I think the show " America's Got Talent " Should have a question mark at the end of it

   Actually, officer,,, I prefer to think that PBR smells like me.

   I think this time around we elect a 17yr old girl president... That way when the economy goes sour,, she can run to her room and slam the door.

   I'm a Hangman master when we play using binary.

   If you ever have to choose between a large Weevil and a small Weevil,, take the smaller one... Cause, you know,,, It's the lesser of two weevils.

   Last month,, An ancient tampon was found in a cave in the Yucatan... Archaeologists are not sure which period it's from.

   My turtle ran away last month.... I'm heartbroken... I tried talking him out of it the entire 2 weeks it took him to reach the sidewalk.

   I was told to seek help today,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Fair enough,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, help

   My Mom is made entirely of flaws,, Stitched together with good intentions and a pantload of love....Love you Ma.

   My brother Bob gets mad when someone spells his name backward... I think he inherited that from mom. Or maybe dad.

   I washed my hands of OCD...... Again.

   It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

   Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don't make the rules people.

   Dear mom,, I hear babies rip your hoo hoo monster and turn it purple... Hope this card makes up for that.

   Tonight on TV. there's a documentary about white trash.... I only saw the trailer..

   The police knocked on my door last night and said my dog had chased someone on a bike... I called Bullcr*p..... My dog doesn't have a bike..

   The inventor of the Hokey Pokey died today. Trying to get him in the coffin was a nightmare... They put the left leg in....................