Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Say what you will about him,,, but I think it's pretty cool that Jesus spoke in red letters.

   Dear MacGuyver,,,I've enclosed a yoyo, three pennies, and mentos... Please save the rainforest.....Love, Snotty

   Sorry son, we can't go get ice cream because mommy went to Kohl's 20 times last month.

   It's a shame that most things aren't pies... More things should be pies.

   I think I'm approaching my "best if used by" date.

   Two lesbians walk into a bra....................(Yes,,that was a typo, but I liked it so much, I kept it.)

   During sex, you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles,,,,,, Wait, Who the heck runs 5 miles in 2 minutes???

   Show me on the doll where gas prices touched you.

   Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn,, went to 2 Birthday parties,, ran 6 miles,, then told a BUNCH of lies on Facebook.

   WHAT,, Age is only a number??? I Don't think so asshat....."age" is a word...

   Autocorrect me if I'm Rung,,, but there's no Tim like the presents

   I KNOW it's early,,, but I've already got a date lined up for Valentine's Day,,,,,,,,,,,,It's gonna be Feb.14th.

   The guy that invented caller ID should win a Nobel peace prize. Think about many marriages and jobs that invention has actually saved

   You think you can preach??? I just convinced a Pentecostal woman to put on pants.

   My grandma fell on the floor, And it ended up being longer than 5 seconds,,, so we're gonna have to let her go.

   My neighbor is opening a pig farm... Just caught wind of it today.

   Apparently,,, Someone's been putting Rogaine on my Q-Tips and toilet paper.

   Odd,, that Yahoo's search for a new CEO got only one result...

   " ROXY " the world's most sophisticated talking woman robot has a $75,000 price tag.. The silent version is $ 45,000

   He's got moves like Jagger.... Sorry.. Palsy.... He's got palsy