lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon She has a million dollar figure. But the top half is counterfeit.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 15:01 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never tell a dyslexic to cop a feel. Either way, they'll get hurt.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 14:57 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..what makes Monday mornings so tolerable is my favourite mug filled with coffee and familiar faces filled with gossip..
←Rate | 06-07-2010 05:12 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 12:15 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anything that is not about elephants is irrelphant.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 12:13 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon it fair to say that there'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?
←Rate | 06-05-2010 05:46 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do men name their penis? They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 05:32 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the most obvious one was "Shout For Help".
←Rate | 06-04-2010 15:43 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 14:00 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Handle every situation like a dog.If you can't eat it or hump it,then p*ss on it and walk away.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 13:48 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 15:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving..
←Rate | 06-03-2010 15:07 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say that licking the back of a frog cures depression. The only problem is that once you stop,the frog gets depressed again.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 08:50 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 02:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
←Rate | 06-02-2010 14:08 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a dog and named him Stay. Poor thing gets confused when I call him "Come here,Stay!" "Come here,Stay!"
←Rate | 06-02-2010 10:26 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. Then this will be my last status update.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 16:05 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the beach life is different. Time doesn't move hour to hour but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides and follow the sun.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 13:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, auditioning for the circus again.
←Rate | 05-30-2010 05:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does a coffin come with a life time guarantee?
←Rate | 05-29-2010 18:57 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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