doc noland Funny Status Messages
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Page: 14 of 39
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I'll push your face into the shower wall as romantic as possible.
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But Mom! The only reason I run with scissors is because the person I'm trying to stab is usually running too!
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I tell ya what, I bought a toilet brush a couple weeks back, and I'll never go back to paper.
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Dear, Android. Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones... You piece of Shut.
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I can tell how uncomfortable a person is just by hugging them for 18 minutes
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How do I get my android to stop taking pictures of my crotch everytime I achieve arousal?
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Its Friday, Anything worth doing is worth doing weird.
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thinking about smashing my face through this screen and becoming Seal for Halloween
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I've had six red bulls so of course I'm counting all the leaves on the trees as I drive past them.
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I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
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I am pretty sure I have regained my virginity.
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If you block me, don't be surprised if you look out your window to see me making out with your garden gnome.
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just heard a woodpecker call me a "paranoid weirdo" in morse code.
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it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone's mouth while they are talking?
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Ok, I cant take it anymore. Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
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Tonight I saw a man pull the stick from his corn dog and eat it without the stick. It was me. I did that. I am capable of anything.
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I am not an alcoholic... I have an alcohol fetish.
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Can I still call it mimosa if its in a flask?
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You can tell a lot about someone by the swastika they've carved into their forehead.
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When I kiss a girl, sometimes I dont know what to do with my hands, so I slow clap behind her head to make sure she knows I'm enjoying it.
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