Snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.
←Rate | 06-27-2016 19:32 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tell me how many bottles you have on your bathroom sink and I'll tell you how many women you live with. 20 bottles? Buddy, that's one woman.
←Rate | 06-12-2016 17:07 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon [enter new password] *CVSReceipt* [password too long]
←Rate | 06-11-2016 08:11 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon FRIEND: What is that smell?.. ME: My new Axe spray. Earl Grey Tea, and Yorkshire Pudding.... Friend: *gag* why?... ME: Chicks dig English Axe scents.
←Rate | 06-11-2016 08:09 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone knows it's "Private eyes", single clap, "They're watching you", double clap. Now,church choir, for the love of God, get your crap together.
←Rate | 05-31-2016 22:44 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If our children don't learn cursive, how will they ever be able to read those inspirational tattoos people put on their ribs?
←Rate | 05-31-2016 22:41 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My autocorrect changed gluten-free to glutton-free, because my Droid has the special fat shaming software update.
←Rate | 05-31-2016 22:40 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh, And BTW.... If you throw a porcupine at a dart board, you get all the points...
←Rate | 05-31-2016 22:26 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Panini is Italian for $14 grilled cheese.... #googletranslate
←Rate | 05-31-2016 22:23 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, I want a closed casket and "Pop goes the weasel" on repeat so people will wait in stunned horror for me to pop out.
←Rate | 05-31-2016 22:10 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom just wrote down a website in cursive. I feel like my whole world is falling apart.
←Rate | 05-29-2016 23:08 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's cute how Pepperidge Farms puts those paper cups between my cookies. lol,,, It doesn't even slow me down.
←Rate | 05-29-2016 20:20 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look on the bright side, your insomnia keeps most of the spiders out of your mouth.
←Rate | 05-29-2016 20:19 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My philosophy is if you haven't used something in over a year you should just throw it away, which is why my genitals are in the garbage
←Rate | 05-29-2016 19:59 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I lose a sock in the wash, I'll usually pour a little detergent out on the floor out of respect.
←Rate | 05-29-2016 19:31 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I put my phone in Airplane mode and now Leslie Nielsen won't leave until I promise to stop calling him Shirley
←Rate | 05-29-2016 19:31 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know when you meet someone and you just know their phone screen is cracked without even seeing it?
←Rate | 05-29-2016 19:28 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey dude, Did you know your refrigerator running?... Yeah,, Because I don't like any of the current presidential candidates
←Rate | 05-29-2016 19:28 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "DADDY NO!!! THE FLOOR IS LAVA!" ... *maintains eye contact.. *slides off couch onto floor.. *rolls around
←Rate | 05-28-2016 19:27 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *tries getting in touch with my feelings*...... *goes straight to voicemail*
←Rate | 05-27-2016 22:15 by Snotty Comments (0)  




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