Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Fellas; You need to know that if her favorite movie is The Notebook, she will never be satisfied and happy.

   Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.

   If you're not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you're probably boring.

   I didn't expect the friendzone to be so comfy.

   No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.

   You sure have a lot of rules for someone who doesn’t care.

   Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.

   Scientists admit they don't know what Jellyfish are made of - "They don't even taste like jelly" said one piss soaked science dude.

   I'm "let's get turned on by the smell of bookstores" fun.

   I am sorry I had feelings. I'll replace them with jokes right away.

   Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.

   I always confuse dessert and desert and I think I might've just buried a hooker in a lemon meringue pie.

   *suddenly pulls away from kissing* "But really, how DO they signal for Batman during the day!?"

   Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell "SURPRISE YOU'RE NOW JOHN'S GIRLFRIEND"

   That moment when she ask if you notice anything about her and you just can't find anything different about her, so you fake a seizure.

   The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.

   My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded

   iOS 9 will be out by the time iOS 8 finishes downloading

   Pro Tip: When having sex on the first date, ALWAYS say "I've never done this" so your partner knows you're a compulsive liar as well.

   If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.