Kisstopher Funny Status Messages
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Page: 14 of 35
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They say a still tounge makes a wise head. I say an active tongue gives good head.
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I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn't dilute in the shower.
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I grew up in a loving home with supportive parents. It's been very creatively frustrating and limiting.
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I need hospital etiquette advice here guys. How long should you wait after they pull the plug to ask if you can use the socket to charge your phone?
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Ladies; Don't be a woman with teenage problems!
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A horse walks into a bar. A chicken crosses the road. A lot of animals do things. It is not our place to judge.
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Ladies, how will we know you're going through a tough breakup if you're not clutching your coffee mug with both hands?
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A friend got mugged coming out of K-Mart and is devastated. I feel the same way because I had no idea I knew people that shopped there.
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You can make a lot of friends with a prescription pad.
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I put the you in murder!
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Ran into a PETA nut while walking my dogs. He said my dogs were my slaves. Wonder if he noticed I'm the one carrying their poop in a bag?
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The only way that I would ever be able to wake up on time in the morning is if I had a butler who set my comforter on fire every morning.
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”How about it mate?” Australian women can be so romantic.
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Oh, let's play that love game where you ignore me constantly and it kills me inside, then I start ignoring you too and it gets your attention!
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Brad Pitt and I had a handsome contest and the loser had to adopt a bunch of kids.
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Carpe Scrotum (grab life by the balls)
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Coffee is not my cup of tea.
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Getting older means telling the grocery store checker the full story behind every item you buy.
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MASTURBATION: because when no one else is doing you, sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands!
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that show "Intervention" should just be called "Haters"
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