Snotty Funny Status Messages

   OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can't stop calling the addiction hotline....

   Most Americans are overweight according to a study done by my eyeballs.

   Honey-girl,,,,, your skirt is so short ,,,, your STD's are showing

   The world world be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes

   Too many herbs have effd up my omelet.... If only I could turn back thyme...

   STOP holding secret meetings about my paranoia!

   Can someone please update my Facebook status for me. I had ravioli for dinner.

   This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.

   Tip: To avoid butterflies in your stomach,,, don't eat caterpillars.

   When you open your heart to someone, there is blood...... LOTS and LOTS of blood... And then you die. So don't open your heart.

   So sad that out of 200 countries in this world,, America ranks 35th in the world in math... But at least that keeps us still in the top 10%

   Hey guys, let's start a Ninja Club. First rule of Ninja Club is....wait, where the heck did everybody go?

   For as little as $1 a day,,,, You can feed a family of 5 ducks chunks of bread down at your local pond.

   I'm saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.

   If there's one thing I hate, it's self-loathing... If there's two things I hate, it's self-loathing and myself.

   My grandson just told me that walking to school uphill both ways when I was a kid sounds odd, & I should have found an alternative route on my GPS..

   I thinkin,,, People in rubber houses shouldn't throw stones either

   Ummm uh-oh,,,, My car's GPS asked me,,, "Who's Siri?"

   I think I'm just too intelligent for sanity

   Why do people live in regular houses,, when there are steakhouses?