Snotty Funny Status Messages

   I have NO idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.

   And the moral of Little Red Riding Hood is,,, Learn to differentiate facial features between a wild dog & a human...

   He's making a list,, and checking it 42 times,,, then washing his hands 11x,, and finally touching the sleigh 3x for good measure...: OCD Santa

   Some people think I'm pretty funny until they marry me.

   Relax,,, We're all crazy.. It's not a competition.

   OK... This Addiction with raking has got to stop,,,, If you pick up that rake again,,, I'm leafing....

   "Oh, I already have that one." Is a good thing to say when someone shows you a picture of their kid

   My pet rock turned 4,000,000,001 today

   OK..... Not making a Latin American joke today was one of my Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooals

   Okay, I'm lost... Can someone please lend me Facebook: Seasons 1 and 2 ???

   Every time I post,, I get a rush like I'm releasing a little animal into the wild... A hideous, deformed animal that no one will ever love...

   Sometimes I feel like I'm a Fruit Loop in a bowl full of Cheerios.

   Once I participated in a "Nice Guy" 5K Run..... We all finished last.

   When my grandkid loses his 1st tooth, I'm putting $1 under his pillow and a note that says "I'll be back with a hammer for the rest. -Tooth Fairy"

   Ironically,,, I HATE it, when people say "like us" on Facebook.

   Drank two pitchers of mojitos and didn't post a photo of it... Yes,,, it IS actually possible do that.

   My boss writes ' for weiner touching' in the memo line on ALL my pay checks.... And YES,,, the bank tellers look at each other then smile at me

   Well,,, I'm off to leave single shoes on the side of the highway for my annual summer road trip.. Yeah, that's me,,,,, I've been doing that.

   Ummm,,,,, Sorry about "car chases",,,,,,, ALL you European outdoor fruit markets,, And cart-vendors

   I'm going to start doing things WITH further ado......... Take that, ado haters.