Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Just walked a mile in my own shoes............ not as good as I thought I'd be

   XBox Kinect Sports is so life-like... I just got picked last!

   Some of my favorite posts don't always get a lot of stars.. That's O.K. They know I love them,, and they love me back... That's all we need.

   I can't wait for 12G phones,,, They'll be able to post my posts before I'm finished typing them,, And they'll probably be funnier too.

   Yes, the carpet does match the drapes but all the furniture is from Goodwill.

   I'm not so good about doing the dishes. I just contemplated spreading peanut butter on bread - using scissors

   The chocolate fountain..... Not the first runny brown liquid to be produced by Golden Corral.

   Hmmm,,, So all the instruments used to find "intelligent life" pointed "AWAY" from earth???,,,,, Yeah,, that makes sense...

   According to weather.com,,, there appears to be a HUGE ad for car insurance moving in from the west..... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES !!!!

   Yes,, Grandchildren ARE our future,,, But they're ALSO the reason why there's a smooshed sandwich in my Pricey Blu-Ray player,,,,, Hmm, our future

   The problem with Chinese New Year is that you're ready for another new year only an hour later.

   "Can't You Just Let Me Watch The Damn Football Game?" – the Working Title of my new Childrens book

   You guys are SO lucky that I "like" posts on a curve

   Happy birthday to my Dad,,,, who was yelling stuff from the toilet with the door open 36 years before Facebook was created.

   Darn it,,,,, It's almost August and I'm still writing Slovakia on my Czechs!

   O.K.,,, That's ENOUGH !,, This is the 3rd hose-fight I've broken up today,, And the 2nd one involving actual hoses......

   Who wants to come over and watch me collect dog turds on the wheels of my lawn mower?

   With my grandkids, I just assume that any word they use that I don't understand is a Pokemon creature.

   It's not you.. It's me. And my inability to tolerate you any longer.

   The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.