Snotty Funny Status Messages

   When Egypt had no internet, it was just called Gypt.

   The first rule of Mormon fight club is: Going door to door and talk about Mormon fight club

   My mother-in-law has to work for "Tips",,,,,,,,,, Yeah,, You see, Nobody will put the whole thing in....

   My wife is a banquet cook... If it says Banquet on the box, she can cook it!

   Ladies,,, How do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket?.. Quick,, The lady patrol officer's coming..

   Whoever has my voodoo doll out there ... please scratch between my shoulder blades.

   How many Feminists does it take to finish this joke without offending anyone?

   there proper etiquette on how long you have to wait for your wife outside of a store before declaring her dead?

   I'm one restraining order away from a free restraining order.

   Never noticed this, but, if you rearrange the letters in 'marriage' it spells 'hahahahahahahahahahahahaha'.

   “You'd know what chocolate you get if you read the map on the inside of the box lid you Friggin Idiot!”...-My Dad watching Forrest Gump

   Trying to understand some people,,, Is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end...

   My most endearing quality would have to be knowing all the lyrics to Smash Mouth's "All Star"

   I spent an hour explaining how WiFi works to my dad and my dog... The dog gets it.

   Whenever God closes a door,, he usually pushes me out of a window..

   That custom taylored Italian suit can easily be ruined by the default Nokia ringtone......

   When I see a parent who doesn't give in to their kids tantrum,,, I want to give them the medal of valor

   Because of gas prices,, the Motor Trend Car of the Year for 2012 is walking.

   Honk if you're not in your car....... (My new bumpersticker)

   My driver's side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I'm probably gonna starve to death..