Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Of course Russia was evil,,, They sent a dog up into space,,,,,, Everyone Knows that dogs HATE vacuums

   Hey Weather Channel,,, "Frankenstorm" is the doctor's name...."Frankenstorms Monster" is what Earth is dressing up as for Halloween

   Hey Electoral college,,,, Sorry,, I wasn't paying attention,,,what do I do if my election lasts for more than 4 hours?

   Hey,, I put on my pants same as everyone else......... reluctantly

   Hey Emo girl,,,,, what if you got a bunch of eyebrow rings,,, and put up little curtains over your eyes,,,,,, I bet you could really sleep better then

   Due to the sensitivity of some people on Faceboo, here is a list of uncomfortable subjects will not joke about:................................................................................................................................ Still here?

   Whenever I return a book to the library,,, I leave a bookmark on the last page & yell "SORRY, I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO REWIND IT!" then run away..

   I'm perfecting a new perfume called "Forever Alone".... It smells like Lean Cuisines and cats.

   "He died doing what he loved, which was clinging to life and trying not to die, which he was very good at until recently."

   Keep on scrolling. I don't want any trouble.

   Feelin tired today,,, I was up All night,,, See,I got into this book,, and couldn't put it down,,, Yeah,, Ended up goin thru ALL my crayons...

   Hey guys, just to let you all know I'll be closing my facebook account in three days... But in four days I'll be explaining why I didn't leave

   My outgoing message: Hi,, I'm gonna be honest, I screen people I don't want to talk to,,, You can leave a message, but if you heard this,,,,,It's you

   Today,,,, I feel like I need the vulgarity expansion pack for autocorrect

   I don't give advice because screwing up my own life requires my undivided attention

   I bought some of that new emo lawn seed the other day... Yeah, It was a little more expensive,,, but the grass cuts itself.

   Did you know that every 60 seconds,,, Somewhere in Africa,,,, a minute passes.

   I farted So loud,,, it scared the dog out of the room and I raised my hands in triumph and shouted,,, "There can be only one!"

   The creator of Mad Libs died... His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.

   Whenever I stand in front of the mirror looking at my naked body,, I get depressed and think… “I'm going to get thrown out of this Ikea pretty soon.”