Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   There's still so much I have to unlearn.

   I'd love to come to your holiday party and stare at my phone all night.

   After enough vodka shots, a toddler bed is actually quite comfortable.

   Everyone thinks they're incapable of committing murder until they see uncleared time on the microwave.

   My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson.

   whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I’m done paying for studio time

   Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.

   I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.

   A woman will type "I'm fine" while she is crying.

   If you cry all the time, you will save money on a tear drop tattoo.

   I'm the avocado of people. While you wait and wait for me to mature enough to be enjoyable, I sneakily transition into a disgusting mess.

   Don't, under any circumstance, believe I'll return your Tupperware.

   people who have to say "i was being sarcastic" should stop trying to be something they are not good at.

   Excuse me Miss, but your new hairstyle is making everyone uncomfortable.

   If I’m such a great guy who is all these nice things you say and a guy who any woman would want and lucky to have, why then are you friend-zoning me, Stacey?

   I'm pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.

   I'm not a stalker, I'm just a self-appointed and unpaid private investigator.

   A chatterbox is just a regular box that won't shut the fcuk up.

   Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.

   Doctor says I'm morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.