Kisstopher Funny Status Messages
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My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.
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If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it's not beauty.
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Sometimes things just don't work out. And for those times there's always alcohol.
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My wife only drinks so she can tolerate me when I'm drunk.
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If girls were dinosaurs they'd be dramasaurus.
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Remember when I loved you unconditionally? Well the terms of that arrangement have changed.
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There's pizza in this conference room and we're still talking instead of eating. THIS IS HOW SERIAL KILLERS ARE BORN.
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If you're going to take me on a date to a karaoke bar, we better have sex before we go because I'm going to leave you there.
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You win some, you booze some!
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You can be an educated, intelligent, productive person and still smoke and enjoy pot.
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If you play your cards right, she'll want you to poker.
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Do I hate people who ask and answer their own stupid questions? Absolutely
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Every day is a struggle to come to terms with the fact that they chose Tobey Maguire to play Spiderman.
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Karma is like 69: You get, what you give.
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Leave the thing you're supposed to do today for tomorrow cause maybe you'll die and then you won't have to do that thing.
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If chickens knew how tasteless they are without herbs and spices, they'd kill themselves.
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Facebook is where I choose my victims, twitter is where I meet my accomplices.
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One man's potato is another man's vodka.
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I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
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My girlfriend doesn't have any superpowers, per se, but she is pretty good at making me forget my name using only her tongue.
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