JOser Funny Status Messages

   Bowl cuts will never go out of style. Unless they somehow become stylish first.

   A friend of mine told me he doesn't drink beer. I wonder what he does with it?

   Your Honor, please direct the witness to answer the question. I'll ask it once again. Why are you hitting yourself?

   The gang war between the squirrels and the raccoons must be escalating, based on the number of drive-by victims on the side of the road.

   finally figured out what mosquitoes are for. They're God's way of making us slap ourselves.

   There is a very good chance that you don't understand probability.

   Actions speak louder than words. Especially if that action is yelling.

   I only talk sh*t when I'm strategically located near bouncers.

   If a large group of lions is a Pride, what is a large group of housecats? Shame.

   I'll bet the watch I left at home feels naked without me.

   Observation: Any story that ends with "Anyway, it was really funny" is not really funny.

   Try to keep your mind out of the gutter. Your body, too.

   Please note that The Netherlands, Never-Neverland, and The Netherworld are three different places.

   When I go to your place for the first time, unless you live in a castle, please dont ask me if I want a tour.

   Driving to work would be so much better if I didn't always end up at work.

   For sale: Mini large-screen TV. Save space! Only 27"! Also available: giant portable TV. A whopping 27"!

   Saying irregardless makes you sound irridiculous.

   Judging by the lack of Fathers Day cards I received in the mail today, I'm guessing your m0m never told you.

   None of my illegitimate sons sent me a card today. B@stards.

   Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.