Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Hey know what's more fun than a baby who has just learned to take off his own diaper?.......... everything...........everything is more fun than that

   Just paid 2 dollars in quarters to put air in my tire... This inflation is out of control.

   Gonna call Suze Orman and ask if I can afford to build a Deathstar.

   You seem crazy,,,, But let's buy tambourines and see how far we can take this...

   You're supposed to wash asparagus before throwing it away,,, right?

   My ex got run over by a bus today,,,,, I thought, "WOW,That could have been me!"...... But then again , I don't have a bus drivers license.

   If you have a hunting license,, it's TOTALLY legal to shoot cars with antlers on them.

   Attention Lobsters & Crabs with one super buff claw,,, Please consider working out with the other one sometimes.. You look pretty dumb OK

   anybody gonna mention the fact that the Mayans couldn't even predict the Spanish coming?

   Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day... Teach a 4 year old how to turn on the TV,,, and you can sleep for an extra hour.

   The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man's ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.

   You know It's not really an "American Girl Doll ®" without cuts on it's arms, a teen pregnancy, or an eating disorder.

   Even though God is my co-pilot..... He also, is on the "no-fly" list.. Thanks Sadly, to His ties to several extremist groups..... You jerks

   Keep your friends close & your enemies, in your trunk.. Unless you're crossing the border.. Then don't do that

   What time does facebook close tonight?

   Yes,,, Yesterday,I let the cat out of the bag,,, But today, There's no way she's getting out of that dishwasher

   This Just In: Researches still working to discover how over 75,000 people were miraculosly cured in Colorado last month from glaucoma and nausea..

   In Dec, cops should take off the blue lights and make them green. It's more festive... Like getting pulled over by Santa.

   Uh guys,,, I just checked the forecast for the week of Dec. 17th... Mon: sunny,, Tues: sunny,, Wed: cloudy,, Thurs: Rainy,, Fri: FIRE,,, Sat: DEATH,,, Sun: N/A

   The mighty pancake village has been razed to the ground by my fork of Nom and I, its wielder..