Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Look, I'm not saying you’re gay,, I'm saying I've never seen you and gay in the same room at once...

   I've actually done 36 Ninja posts today but nobody's seen them.

   I took two foreign languages in high school,,,, Spanish and math.

   Throw a surprise party for your town psychic and destroy his reputation

   Shutting off your phone is the new walking out of the room

   I don't mean to brag... but I'm a pretty damn formidable peek-a-boo opponent

   I kissed with an ohmless girl last night............. There was very little resistance

   Guys... Controlling your woman when she is mad is easy... Just tell her she's overreacting. She will then realize you're right and calm right down.

   I just misspelled a word so bad that auto correct blew milk out its nose.

   Roman Numerals? What are they good IV? Absolutely nothing..

   People always say moth balls have a very distinguishable smell... but I can never get their little legs apart

   I hope everyone stocked up on water and flashlights! This y2k thing sounds terrifying!.. I just read all about it in my doctors office.

   Just ordered 78 copies of "Hoarders: Season One" on Amazon

   The wife says, "Tolerate" would definately be includued in any 2nd wedding marriage vows,,,

   How come when my kid wants to show me something, she has to place it directly inside my cornea?

   Hey,, I'm from Maine... Of course we can bring in real pelts to our "Build-a-Bear Workshop"...

   Imagine being a midget at Subway and not knowing what they're putting on your sandwich.

   "No, no no. Not you two.. I need you two to stay here and man the fort." ~ Noah to his Wooly Mammoths

   My doctor is getting REALLY tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.

   A wise man once said........................... nothing,,, He just let her vent