Snotty Funny Status Messages

   There is no "we" in chocolate.

   WHY IS THAT COTTON CANDY TALKING?!.............. "Grandma, that's Niki Minaj."

   Hi spider. Nice spider.... Let me pet you, WITH MY SHOE!.... Haha spider,,, Dead spider..."

   When I burn something in the oven, I just get my guitar out and pretend it's a smoke machine

   All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of Lay's potato chips.

   Truthfully, my resume should state,, "when I feel like it" after every skill listed.

   Hey look, Grandma!.. You made the cover of "Didn't Make Me Any Cookies Weekly" again....

   The human body is amazingly intricate,, and astonishingly beautiful,, for a turd factory

   Hey Canada,,, Are you sure those were YOUR geese?.. They weren't as polite and well mannered as I would expect

   I'm watching that episode of The Cosby Show where Theo poisons Rudy because he's jealous of her moustache

   I'm a heavy sleeper... Also, a heavy awaker... Okay, I'm fat.

   I don't care if saying this hurts my reputation:..... The Westboro Baptist Church's tactics are not the best.

   Pay attention to me boy,,,, Now if something looks like crap,, smells like crap,, and tastes like crap,, You should have stopped at just smelling it.

   "I'm just sayin. It'd be better without the raisins." ------[ Everything with raisins ]

   La, la, la,,♫♪♫,,,,,,I have a structured settlement, but I need crap now....

   Hoarders have feelings too, you know,,,,,,,,,, They're around here somewhere,,, (moves empty pizza boxes around)

   I've set aside 2013 for software updates.

   It's spooky how many kids look like their owners

   If maxi pad commercials didn't exist,,, Men Still would have no idea, that girls are full of blue windshield wiper fluid.

   Well,,, You don’t see as many people in the third world with a ‘slow metabolism’??,,,, do ya!