Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles..... After all,, You know what they say about old habits.

   I will put a comma wherever I want. If I pause,,,, you pause

   Personally,,,,,, I'm giving up my belly button and the space between my toes..... For lint

   Big Shout-out !!!,,, to Whitney Houston as she celebrates one year of sobriety today

   PRO TIP: If you cut your pizza up into small enough pieces,,, you can use it as a topping for your other pizza.

   Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank.... I have no words right now to describe how angry I am

   My Facebook device received a phone call today........ Weird

   My dance style is best described as "is there a bee near me?"

   Now that my daughter's almost a toddler, when can I expect her baby toes to fall off and be replaced by adult ones?

   There are so many scams on Facebook now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.

   Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2019,,,,, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope.

   TIP: If you try to make a smoothie for lunch........ Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.

   Yeah I'm married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT'S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.

   My family treats me like a GOD,,,,,, They only talk to me if they want something

   My 1 year old said YOLO... She actually might have been asking for yogurt,, but just to be safe I put her in a time-out.

   Hey,,, I used to play bass for "50 cent" when he was known as "two dimes and a nickle"

   If a guy ever gave birth to a baby,,, I would pay him $1000000 to go on TV and tell the world "meh,,, it hurt,, but not like that much"

   FYI: Donkeys just call them hats.

   Accidentally hit the panic/alarm button on the car key and promptly panicked.......... So, it works.

   My dad gets to Bing by searching for it with Google!................... ( That is ALL you need to know )