doc noland Funny Status Messages
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Manti Te'o watches Clint Eastwood speaking to an empty chair *nods approvingly*
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".. So he sayeth unto me 'Taketh NyQuil with the Wine and Ye shall feel the path with your thoughts and hear things with your vision.'"
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Found a gray nose hair. Transformation to Gandalf: 1% complete.
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Going to sleep with a t-shirt on is a great way to wake up knowing what a crocodile death roll feels like
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if Da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20125215-00854.jpg"
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Some People are Morning People, I am a Never People. *
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Hail Mary, full of grace, put Notre Dame in second place.
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Entering 2013 the same way I entered this world! Naked crying, and alone. (Adoption Joke gone way wrong)
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Everyone loves "sexy mom" except her kids
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This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
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If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a woman, who the hell knows what's gonna happen.
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Todays brain is brought to you by new sponsers. Yesterdays medical alcohol.
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All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
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My resolutions are the same as last year: try to make it all the way through, or not, whatever.
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If you need an assault rifle with 30, 50, or 90 round clips to protect yourself maybe you just suck at protecting yourself.
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My right eye has been twitching for the past hour. Is this what it's like to have a hobby?
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A giant spider just attacked the back of my neck and then quickly morphed back into my t-shirt tag!
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♫ Loving you is easy because you're slightly attractive and I've been drinking a lot, doot-n-doot-n-do-doo Ah.... ♫
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People!! I have been watching the news the last few days. Now, I never took journalism class, but I'm petty sure "Don't Interview Traumatized Children" came right before "Learn To Spell".
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Oh wow! Thanks for the newsletter, Hotel Chain! I'm just lonely enough to read this!
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