JOser Funny Status Messages

   It's so adorable when my Mom calls and asks me for my "email number."

   Today is the 1 year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. I will be randomly grabbing my crotch in his memory for the rest of the day.

   I'm a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity...

   I'm a homophobophobe. Seriously, those bigots scare the heck out of me.

   Dear DNA experts, please come up with a small insect that is genetically designed to annoy flies. Maybe even a small insect that bites mosquitoes. Thanks

   in a constant state of Omphaloskepsis (look it up).

   Switched my GPS to the male voice. Got tired of it announcing turns after we'd passed them and telling me to stop and ask for directions.

   I heard the CEO of AT&T got married recently. The service was great but the reception was terrible.

   Sometimes people act like the US isn't the only country in the whole world.

   Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.

   iPhone 4: Loses bars when you hold it, gets lost in bars when you don't.

   Yes, I realize I'm leaving early. But don't forget, I also came in late.

   If two trains leave New York, one heading west at 40mph and the other heading south at 35mph, where are my car keys?

   To whoever said "fight fire with fire": do you actually test your own advice before giving it?

   I laid awake all night again worrying about why I'm always so tired

   Bond. Hydrogen Bond.

   I'm not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.

   That thing people do with their mouth when they're using their tongue to get food out of their teeth, I bet there's porn for that.

   Do I consider the cup half empty or half full? Depends on whether I'm emptying it or filling it.

   Saw a fashion report saying that with low riding jeans in style, butt cracks are the new cleavage. What was wrong with the old cleavage???