Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I learned a valuable lesson today. An LED bulb doesn't work in an easy bake oven. I've been cooking this roast chicken for five hours and it's still raw.
←Rate | 02-20-2024 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is not talking to me today because she asked me what the female equivalent of the "mancave" is and I told her it's called the kitchen.
←Rate | 02-20-2024 10:03 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Presidents’ Day is canceled until we find one
←Rate | 02-19-2024 16:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No New Year, No Groundhog, No Valintine, and now no New President. Holidays suck anymore.
←Rate | 02-19-2024 15:40 by Darkharbinger Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walmart is opening dental offices in some of its stores. I'm sure they will have an express lane for people with 10 teeth or less.
←Rate | 02-19-2024 10:11 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Menstruation? Should be called Men-Frustration at this point.
←Rate | 02-18-2024 21:42 by alexreynosoart Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favourite part of Football is when they feed the players water like they’re Hamsters
←Rate | 02-18-2024 08:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hooray! you are the 99th person to view this message. Press command + w (or ctrl+w) to earn your prize :)
←Rate | 02-16-2024 22:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you honk at me .025 seconds after the light turns green I'm going to put my vehicle in park, adjust my seat, check my tire pressure, change my oil, return some emails, eat a snack, read a book, brush my teeth, nap, and build a LEGO set.
←Rate | 02-16-2024 05:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids, beer is low in vitamins so it's important to drink lots of them.
←Rate | 02-15-2024 14:15 Comments (0)  



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