s Funny Status Messages

   planning to hire a singing fat lady and take her to work, just in case someone says his tasks ain't over yet

   says the art of typing an FB status is directly proportional to the work done on google search

   learnt a lesson: Hardwork leads to success and 'blame' works just as well

   Many will come and go but I know the diffrence between a woman and a ho so if you text or call and you don't hear from me you know which one you must be:)

   On a scale from 1 to Rebecca Black how is my singing?

   Evolution is just nature's way of issuing upgrades.

   so....my aunt doesn't want me using the word "fingerblast" in her husband's eulogy....what's next, I can't use "bloodfart" either?

   Roses are Red Violets are Glorious, Never Sneak up on Oscar Pistorius

   Asked coworker what she was going tonight? She replied, drinking. I meant for Good Friday. She said dont worry, I'll pour one out for him.

   The Happy Meal at Taco Bell comes with a pair of clean underwear.