Starman Funny Status Messages

   Now days crappy guys only want one thing from a woman. Back in the old days, they wanted them to also do the dishes and keep house.

   Selling homing pigeons is a lucrative, and well return business.

   Hey if you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.

   This year my mother gave my son a drum set for Christmas. Which surprised me. I said to her don't you remember how you hated it when I played the drums when I was a kid? She replyed with a smile , I remember.

   Here is a way to get rid of your unwanted junk. Pack it in an Amazon box, and place it on the porch.

   Just about all husbands lie on their tax returns by listing them self as head of household.

   You know you're fat when you only need a cup of water in the tub when taking a bath.

   The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never smpathized more with women in my life.

   "I don't think I can get through a day without my middle finger."

   "It doesn't bother me that my wife goes out to play BINGO every night. It's the coming back home part that does.

   "A trail of clothes leading up to a bedroom before marriage ment a night of pashionate love making. Now it means you dropped them on your way from the dryer.

   When the judge told Mickey he couldn't grant his divorce from Minnie just because you say she crazy. Mickey said, I didn't say she crazy..... I said she's f***ing Goofy.

   "If during your medical exam your doctor says I need to google this...... It's time to get a new doctor."

   Marriage is the main cause of divorce.

   Dilemma: Watching your mother inlaw driving towards a cliff in your brand new car.

   Why do wives think giving their husband the silent treatment is a punishment.

   When I'm not at home and my wife is giving me the silent treatment, she'll send me blank tex messages.

   You know you're fat when your dog lays down in your shaddow on hot sunny days.

   YAY! Mr. Peanut back.

   Had one of those DNA test done. Turns out I'm related to Adam and Eve.