DeeX Funny Status Messages

   Did you guys hear about the new "Exorcist" movie? A woman hires the Devil to pull a priest out of her son. BADA BING BADA BOOM

   Man, I beat my meat like I just caught it breaking into my apartment.

   Everyone becomes an air drumming master 3 minutes and 40 seconds into Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight".

   Just saw my ex with her new man and had to smile because I KNOW there's not a place on her he can kiss that hasn't been coated by my man gravy. :)

   A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I'll catch the next one. She's mad at me now.

   How can you be a "natural" bodybuilder if you're cramming your body with protein powders, amino acids, and all other kinds of supplements?

   I'm not sure if Internet p@rn has really ruined any relationships but I'm sure it's ruined some keyboards.

   Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?

   I wanna go kick a pigeon.

   Pimpin' actually is pretty easy and I'm getting tired of everyone saying otherwise.

   can we PLEASE stop using the term “beast mode”? Unless you’re running around jungle, naked, stalking and killing animals with your bare hands and eating them raw, you’re NOT a beast, you’re just another douchebag lifting weights in the gym…tha

   Everyone else's plans for pretty weekends: "I'm going to the lake" "I'm hanging at the pool" "We're going to the park for a picnic" And I'm just over here like "I'm gonna eat a waffle."

   I think it's funny how women that love expensive things give themselves away for next to nothing.

   Everyones like "George Zimmerman this, no justice that" I'm just over here like, "I'm gonna eat a popsicle."

   Does anyone remember the "occupy wallstreet" movement? Weren't they supposed to have been a big deal and get something done??? Talk about fizzle out like a bad fart.

   Hey A-Rod, will you sign my syringe???

   Sweatin' like a Catholic Priest at a Little League game.

   THE POWER OF THE WINKY FACE: We need whipped cream. We need whipped cream ;)

   97% of women over the age of 25 who have "never done that before" have done that before.

   Music should come in 3 genres: music you fight to, music you f#@k to and music you speed to.