Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Joe Namath's coat saw it's shadow... 6 more weeks of winter.

   A group of teens is called a whatever

   Reality Show Idea: A funeral home where the casket is turned into a mechanical bull.. Whoever rides it the longest gets the person's belongings.

   The Year??.. 2033,, The year is 2047, After a series of mergers and acquisitions,, The Doritos Locos McWhopper Chipotle Latte Wrap, has become the only source of nutrition

   That kid looks ALOT like me.... Somebody should warn him.

   Hmmm,, How about slippers made out of Legos,, So that when you step on a Lego,, you just get taller.

   Shout out to my parents... BECAUSE SHOUTING IS THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN HEAR ME.

   Like most Northerners, as the weather warms,,, I worry about the structural integrity of my igloo.

   Laser tag is for pussies... "Taser tag", now thats a manly kinda sport.

   O.K.... Now it's the scientists' turn to hide,,, and the Higgs boson has to find them

   And its absolutely asinine that asinine isn't spelled assanine.

   Back in my day, Recess was where they sent us out to a rusty death trap circus,, and now people can't eat gluten.

   Native American strippers have an unfair advantage. They can make it rain every time they dance.

   It's like my wife didn't even TRY to clean the house while I went out to play poker... I mean, how am I supposed to live like this?

   Honestly,, I don't think I can stomach stomach stomach stomach any more cow jokes

   How to fall down stairs,,,, Step 1... Step 4... Steps 5,6,7,8,9...

   "Old Macdonald had a farm,,, Had."............ * Bank of America

   BTW,,,, Pinocchio's family tree is just a maple

   Me: Yes, I'd like to return this dishwasher.... Lowes employee: Sir, you can't just leave your teenager here, again.

   Jokes on you Lent,,, I already gave up.