JOser Funny Status Messages

   Maybe this world is another planet's hell...

   Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window

   Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

   If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

   What do you mean I can't order a Whopper with bacon in between 2 chicken patties wrapped in a burrito? I thought this was Have It Your Way?

   If i'm ever sleeping and a bunch of Zs start coming out of my head, please call a doctor.

   I am now home from what would have been a hard day had I done any work

   Canceled my trip to Arizona because my dog doesn't have papers...

   I should really turn my cell phone's voice recognition dialing off. I accidentally called Jesus Christ 24 times today. He's getting pissed...

   My childhood self would be surprised I'm not playing with knives and fireworks, just because I can

   drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha's against drunk dialing)

   scouring youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.

   Hating is the sincerest form of flattery...

   If you don't like me remember it's mind over matter; I don't mind and you don't matter.

   Don't hate cuz I'm good; hate cuz you can't compete...

   Does "I caught myself singing a Justin Beiber song" go at the beginning or the end of a suicide note?

   I don't know how to tell my parents they're adopted.

   The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'

   I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with keyboards

   shall not waste his days in trying to prolong them.