GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Have you ever noticed that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointing away from earth?
←Rate | 02-09-2024 06:02 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was watching a TV show on the top ten ways to avoid a shark attack. I was shocked to hear that "stay out of the water" wasn't number one.
←Rate | 02-10-2024 08:17 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys, if the relationship fails, don't blame her only. It takes 2 people to mess up a relationship. Blame her and her mother.
←Rate | 02-11-2024 10:47 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon The difference between humans and animals? Animals would never allow the dumbest ones to lead the pack.
←Rate | 02-12-2024 09:31 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a firm believer that every traffic jam begins with one idiot.
←Rate | 02-13-2024 09:11 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine's Day I'd put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink or dessert. Then I'd sit back and watch the madness unfold at every table.
←Rate | 02-15-2024 05:48 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you honk at me .025 seconds after the light turns green I'm going to put my vehicle in park, adjust my seat, check my tire pressure, change my oil, return some emails, eat a snack, read a book, brush my teeth, nap, and build a LEGO set.
←Rate | 02-16-2024 05:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walmart is opening dental offices in some of its stores. I'm sure they will have an express lane for people with 10 teeth or less.
←Rate | 02-19-2024 10:11 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is not talking to me today because she asked me what the female equivalent of the "mancave" is and I told her it's called the kitchen.
←Rate | 02-20-2024 10:03 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I couldn't get a reservation at my local library. They were booked!!!
←Rate | 02-22-2024 06:07 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told the bank manager that I wanted to open a joint account. He asked who with? I said, the customer with the most money.
←Rate | 02-24-2024 06:05 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that I've gotten older I've come to realize why Bigfoot stays away from people.
←Rate | 02-27-2024 10:25 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon The officer asked, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" And we just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
←Rate | 02-28-2024 10:13 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someday when scientists discover the center of the universe, a lot of people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.
←Rate | 02-29-2024 12:28 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Research has shown that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm off to the park to laugh at all the joggers.
←Rate | 03-02-2024 05:55 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally realized it... People are prisoners of their phones. That's why they are called cell phones.
←Rate | 03-03-2024 05:56 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon The clocks go back this weekend. Hopefully back to when we could afford groceries.
←Rate | 03-06-2024 08:51 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon My class essay on internal organs was too short. So I added an appendix.
←Rate | 03-11-2024 06:03 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house.
←Rate | 03-13-2024 09:57 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip: If your wife says she's only getting two things at the store, don't believe her. She's lying!
←Rate | 03-14-2024 10:33 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  




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