Snotty Funny Status Messages

   I wish I was a gloworm,,, a gloworm's never glum,,, cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum

   I don't have a pet,, so I adopted this spider, but the stupid thing won't even chase the laser pen,,, It's got 8 eyes so I *know* he sees it.

   Facebook feels a lot like Group Therapy...only everyone is talking at once and no one wants to be cured

   Lord Almighty, Adele...REALLY ?,, Just burn his house down & get on with your life already.

   I feel a little better when I remember that Lady Gaga is just as scared of us, as we are of it.

   My bucket list is still half Original Recipe,,, and half Extra Crispy.

   There are 2 kinds of people in this world: those that recognize how diverse people are, and those that think there are only 2 kinds of people

   I someitmes wonder what magical things would've been created had we all put our creativity towards something other than making the internet laugh

   King Arthur: "What size and shape should we make the table?"................Sir Mix-a-lot: " I LIKE 'EM ROUND...AND BIG!"

   A fortnight is equal to 14 nights. Unless you live in a fort,, it is equal to one night.. Fort math is only complicated to non-fort dwellers.

   There's a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road, and all I can think,, is that one of you,, is without your protective headgear today.

   OH MY LORD!! I almost sat down on the toilet without my droid...

   These tornadoes are awful...I blame the violence in tornado themed video games

   The plain cake donut is always the last one picked.... Come with me poor little plain cake donut,, you can be on my team.

   Wait,, there's a "pro-anorexia" community? That's a thing?.. Oh,, I bet they have the worst luncheons ever.

   Sometimes I worry my posts are too cerebrle... cerabrall... cerrebrel...

   Ahem,,,,, Now As a recovering kleptomaniac,,,, I know how to take a joke.

   10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.. Now we have like 50 million dumb guys still posting a bad joke over and over

   Dyslexics better do it.

   Trouble's brewing at Symphony Hall.. It's the bottom of Beethoven's 9th,,, and the bassists are loaded.