Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   I was just sitting here minding my own business and a cold glass of beer just poured itself into my mouth.

   Behind every man with great s tatus you pdates is either a beautiful woman who has inspired him or destroyed him.

   Funniest thing I heard while working in ER.. "What was he doing with his pen*s in a dogs mouth anyway?

   No matter how hard life gets just remember there are always people out there who love you, if you pay them enough.

   Lemonade or orange juice? I'm asking the vodka.

   Its not stretching if it doesn't involve crazy dinosaur noises.

   No autocorrect, I do not want to organism all over her face.

   I bet Canadian cops play good cop better cop.

   You call it a "one night stand," I call it "catch and release."

   All these years I thought cuddling meant holding her head while she bows you.

   People that like to put their two cents in, make sure you have enough to spare first!

   If you think my jokes are bad, you should see my choice in women.

   The scariest thing about dating is that you either break-up or get married.

   This has been one of those years That I should've stayed in bed

   Before Kanye west says he is going to be a bigger hero than Nelson Mandela by the time he reaches 95, shouldn't he spend 27 years in jail first?

   Today is one of those days where I wonder where it all went wrong. Then I realize it's never been right.

   The problem with alcohol is that that... it wears off.

   Being smart doesn't stop yolu from doing stupid things.

   There’s now a song called Saturday by Rebecca Black. The silly ho is slowly trying to ruin all of the days of the week.

   Want people to leave you alone? Tuck in your sweater.