Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Hmmmmm,, You walk to the back of the dry cleaner's,,,,, and it's just a bunch of cats licking your shirts.

   I think It's a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone... Someone has to honk when the light turns green.

   Michael J. Fox etch-a-sketched the entire New York City skyline in 4 seconds.

   What is the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?.... The porcupine has the pricks on the outside....

   SIGN: *jesus recycling shoes*....... "What are you doing there Jesus?"... "Oh, you know, just,,, Saving soles."...

   My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.

   Amazing the things you say you’ll never do again when your head is lying next to a toilet

   Pterodactyls are probably extinct because of the pterrible and ptedious spelling of their stupid species name.

   Hello? Poison control? I need some help. Bret Michaels is in my house and he won't leave.

   When it comes to toilet water,, It's not the taste that keeps me coming back.... It's the free refills.

   If the world really had been flat, Americans would have poured pizza sauce on it and eaten it.

   Listen Bob,,, You're indispensable. Just like the last guy we fired.

   cooking tip : not everyone can be a chef you know... you can order a pizza,, there is nothing shameful about giving up

   You'd think there'd be another way of getting down from a horse other than just sitting there until it dies.

   I'm SO flexible,,,, I end up putting my foot in my mouth daily.

   If you've deactivated facebook, and someone tells you happy Birthday .. Marry that person

   I have an IQ in the top 2 percentile... The rest of you 96% are stupid

   His dad was Mexican, His mother Italian, Both were Jedi Masters..... He's, Old Bean Juan Cannoli. (lol, I'm not even sorry)

   What's Obama's last name again?. I always forget

   I hate when I’m on the treadmill, and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and accidentally eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.