Snotty Funny Status Messages

   OJ Simpson was granted parole today, which means he can FINALLY get back to looking for the guy that murdered his wife.

   My son told me his medium wings were too hot... Now he has to wear the Tampon of Shame necklace for the rest of the day......... Thems the rules

   Please everyone,, Hit the "like" button for my friend Emma Lyon's bagged manure company... And her best selling product,, " Emma Lyon's Sack-o-Crap"

   If she says "I'm fine" that means she's fine and you can keep playing Xbox.......... lol

   It's not you, It's your posts,, Wait ? You write them,, Nevermind, It's you

   My google search history is just 12 different incorrect spellings of the word "restaurant."

   "Any way you can speed this up, officer? I'm obviously in a hurry."

   No one will think you're boring if you walk around wearing a deployed parachute

   No, I don’t want to say where I got these scratches. On an unrelated note, if you wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,, it’s 9.

   Every time I hear Earth Angel,,, I check my hands to make sure I'm not fading.

   "I'd hit that".......................... - Old people driving

   Maybe poor people don't even like food,, we don't know.

   Damn, for living in a trailer home in the woods you sure know a lot of government secrets

   If I was looking to hire a psychic, the only question in my interview would be,,"How many times have you won the lottery?"

   My dog runs for president,,,, gets asked race sensitive question,,, "The thing is, I don't see color"......*crowd goes wild*

   If you say "cash money" around me, Don't act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts",,,,,,,,,,,,,See how stupid that sounds?

   How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.

   Nickelback to play Boston bombing victim's Concert. In related news, Train to play relief concert for those who saw Nickelback.... (etc.. Bieber)

   I have so many unfinished jokes in my

   If I opened a car repair shop, I would call it Auto Correct... Then I'd paint the floor with red squiggly lines