Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   I only have two feelings, it's either "I'm hungry" or "I shouldn't have eaten this much"

   I just want to be with someone who isn't crazy but unfortunately I'm only attracted to women.

   My neighbour's cat just menacingly hissed at me for stroking it. Now I finally know how married men feel.

   Liquor stores should deliver to do their part to help with the drunk driving problem.

   You would think there would be at least one extraterrestrial in a Miss Universe contest.

   It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.

   I saw a man with a pony tail running down the street so I’m guessing there’s an angry iguana somewhere waiting to be fed its dinner.

   Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.

   Money and traditional infidelity are still the top 2 reasons for divorce but Facebook can't be far behind.

   I'm so drunk I almost answered my phone.

   G.I.R.L on the Internet is 'Guy In Real Life.'

   If it wasn't for sex, I would have quit being a grown-up a long time ago.

   It's like my date doesn't even care about some of the core problems that faced the software development industry in the mid 90's

   Never cut off the minivans, they have nothing to live for.

   Every day that I don't die is the best day of my life.

   I'm bored but not "correct people's grammar on Facebook" bored.

   Women have designer purses because they need something stylish to carry their crazy in.

   I'm so hungry I could eat a whole bottle of whiskey

   I find it funny how people throw around inspirational stuff like ‘live your life to the fullest’ after they've spent the entire day on Facebook.

   In Hell, all of your Google searches post directly to your social media accounts.