K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   Trying understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

   I'll never understand dentists. They stab you with little metal hooks and then tell you "Your gums wouldn't bleed if you flossed more".

   I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.

   Why should I bother staying informed about political issues when nobody running for office does?

   MILF...Man I Love Fries.

   I'm a big guy. I hate going shopping and the only I can find that fits is cologne.

   People always wonder why it is that a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you....it's your breath.

   If you want to get in to a womens pants, get into her mind.....that's what she uses to figure out if you're getting into her pants or not.

   A whole pot of and three Redbulls.....I can pronounce that symbol that Prince had for his name.

   Insomnia is nature's way of saying you're not done bugging people for the day.

   Remember when you'd be driving along and see a smashed cassette tape by the side of the road with the tape stretched out forever, flying on the breeze of every passing car? I miss those days.

   I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.

   We have come so far. Computers, Moon landing, Mars rover, Hubble telescope taking pictures of thing light years away...and yet we still need a sign telling employees to wash their hands.

   Sit on my face, I'm Irish!

   If I were found dead, the CSI's would check my wallet and find no money and assume it was murder and I was robbed. Good luck the investigation, my wallet never has money in it.

   If your not pissing green tomorrow, you're doing today wrong.

   If your house is hit by a dolphin, don't go outside to see if the dolphin is alright, that's how the hurricane tricks you to come outside.

   My daily workout?........ running late for work

   You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.

   If you really want to go green, start using BOTH sides of your toilet paper.