JOser Funny Status Messages

   I'd love to be a lifeguard at the gene pool. I'd let a few of them drown.

   Conserve water on earth day, drink more beer....

   Stop everything you're doing... Think about me... You're welcome...

   Reminder: Buy low and sell high... Unless it's Pot... Then you're buying and selling high...

   Work like you don't have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at

   used the search term "the perfect job for me" on google and it laughed at me...

   found out they sell Universal Remotes at Wal*Mart... I cant believe power like that is available to just anyone! Crazy!

   Some people's noses and feet are built backwards. Their feet smell and their noses run.

   The good news is, we destroyed the Ring. The bad news is, we disrupted a hemisphere's worth of air travel and two dozen national economies... our badd...

   I'm no volcanologist but has anyone tried throwing in a few virgins?

   has been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog...

   Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

   Everybody hates me because I'm so universally well-liked...

   No man goes before his time....... Unless the boss leaves early...

   MOTORISTS: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice

   wondering why a “fat chance” and a “slim chance” mean the same thing.

   all for the paperless office, but doesn't think it should stretch to the toilets...

   was thrown out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table.

   will resist peer pressure. All the cool kids are doing it...

   an organ donor (see inside for details)...