Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.

   You'd think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.

   Baby, I'll respect you in the morning if you leave tonight.

   Judging by all these mosquitos passed out and puking on my chest, I've had too much tequila.

   I'll be glad when it's warm enough to pee outside!

   Shout out to all the women who use their brains to get what they want. Put your pu ssy away Miss, its not a currency.

   Most of my relationships have been long distance on account of all of the restraining orders.

   I miss you like Michael J Fox misses soup

   Women: Think of every guy you have ever been friends with. He has jerked off to you. Good talk.

   Why do these guys with premature ejaculation problems just come out of nowhere.

   Yes he's just the pizza delivery guy. But with a little chloroform & some quality time in the basement I'm positive we'll be best friends.

   I show people I love them by not spending time with them. It’s the best thing I can offer.

   You had me at, "we'll make it look like an accident."

   It's sexy when a woman wears nothing but a long shirt to bed, it's sexier when she doesn't see you watching from the tree outside her window

   I love you weirdos. I don't care if you're not accepted by the outside world or your own families.

   I came, I saw, I screamed "How the hell do I get out of here?"

   Next time Rodman visits his friend KIM in North Korea, just don't let him back into USA. Problem solved.

   You can't borrow my phone because you might go through my contacts and see what I really call you.

   I'm not really interested in a one-night stand. An hour, two tops, will suffice.

   I'm impressed with how much passive aggression a woman can pack into the letter "k."