Snotty Funny Status Messages

   My 1 year old said YOLO... She actually might have been asking for yogurt,, but just to be safe I put her in a time-out.

   My family treats me like a GOD,,,,,, They only talk to me if they want something

   Yeah I'm married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT'S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.

   TIP: If you try to make a smoothie for lunch........ Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.

   Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2019,,,,, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope.

   There are so many scams on Facebook now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.

   Now that my daughter's almost a toddler, when can I expect her baby toes to fall off and be replaced by adult ones?

   My dance style is best described as "is there a bee near me?"

   My Facebook device received a phone call today........ Weird

   Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank.... I have no words right now to describe how angry I am

   PRO TIP: If you cut your pizza up into small enough pieces,,, you can use it as a topping for your other pizza.

   Big Shout-out !!!,,, to Whitney Houston as she celebrates one year of sobriety today

   Personally,,,,,, I'm giving up my belly button and the space between my toes..... For lint

   I will put a comma wherever I want. If I pause,,,, you pause

   Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles..... After all,, You know what they say about old habits.

   My wife got a "mood ring" that turns green when she's happy,, and leaves a big red mark on my forehead when she's mad.

   Being married for 20 years,,, our Valentine's gift to each other is usually staying awake past 8:30

   Hey,,,, I said I'd be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.

   I clicked on one of those " You've been unfriended by 3 people" messages,,,,,,,,,,, Now it burns when I post..

   Ever had garbage in one hand, but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand?..... Anyway, my grand-daughter's o.k.